My little Mad Max: Fury Road review..

I had the pleasure of being able to watch Mad Max: Fury Road, last Thursday, and I have to say that the movie wasn't as bad as I had been worried it would be. The reason why I thought it would be bad, was because of the very suspect things I had heard about the production, but hilariously, if this movie would be lauded as "feminist" by the media it's only due to the notion that the modern definition of "feminist" translates out to "Women are incapable of doing much of anything without the help of a man!!".

Welcome to Spiracy's Movie review of Mad Max: Fury Road.


Editor's Note: The website, Return of Kings has no affiliation with the Men's rights movement. The MRM and RoK have differing ideologies, and I wanted to take time out and make that distinction out of respect for both parties.  - xxsp


Disclosure: Despite what people will probably call me for this review, I'm not a Men's Rights Activist. I do believe that Men deserve equal rights in Divorce settlements and child custody, as well as equal treatment in a heavily female favoring legal system. I am also not a Feminist, nor am I a white knight. I don't believe in sugar coating things because of the poor fee fees of people who get offended easily, either. I do believe in women being able to do stuffs as long as they work hard and not coast off of their womany parts. Ultimately, I'm just a guy who likes titties, explosions and overall awesome shit.

I am also a meat popsicle..

Now, before we get into the review, let's talk about the production of the film, that actually drew ire from a lot of people, myself included. Brietbart has the full writeup on Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's (The Splendid Angharad) Esquire interview, where she states that Vagina Monologues writer, Eve Ensler was scheduled to to fly in for a week to talk to the girls about what it was like to be a sex slave/ rape survivor, professional victim, ect.  Here's a bit of Huntington-Whiteley's discussion on that.

What were the makeup people were applying? 

I'm pregnant in the film, which you see in the opening scene, and so I had the prosthetic belly everyday, and I also had scars on my face that needed to be applied every morning. All of us had the Immortan Joe's branding on the back of our necks. And I had scars all over my arm, representation of my character's conflict. I decided early on in the rehearsal period and in the period where we discovered who our characters were that my character's torment was taken out through cutting herself. That was something I wanted to explore through these scars that she had on her arm.

That's a serious characterization you don't see in most summer spectacles 

Splendid was just so cool to play because she's so conflicted, so layered. She's pregnant through rape and she has been held captive her whole life. It was so interesting to think: how would she feel about carrying this child? Does she have these natural maternal instincts that a lot of mother's feel? Is she enjoying being pregnant? Is she having that time of pure love or is she angry? Does she have any regard for this child? What does she feel about that? I think that I never really knew what she was going to feel because I don't think even she would know. I think it was all very confusing for her. She was conflicted. That's why a lot of her actions in this film are reckless. 

Did you and George have a real world reference point for how to play that scenario? That takes delicacy. 

We were so lucky that George arranged for Eve Ensler, who wrote the Vagina Monologues, to fly in and work with us girls for about a week. We did extensive research with her. Eve herself has had a very intense life. She's spent time in the Congo working with rape victims and women who have had unthinkable things happen to them through the power of men's hands. We were able to pick her brain for a week. She told us the most tragic stories I've ever heard in my life, which gave us so much background to our characters. We really wanted to kind of showcase that. It was a privilege to have her around to make these characters something more than just five beautiful girls.

Okay,  so that's the entirety of the statement in full context. Now that teamed with some statements from Time Magazine had made me increasingly leery towards wanting to watch this film. This statement in particular...

“Here’s a surprise: Tom Hardy, a.k.a. Mad Max, isn’t the star of Mad Max: Fury Road. Charlize Theron is. An even bigger surprise? Vagina Monologues author Eve Ensler consulted on what turns out to be a very feminist film….Theron, not Hardy, leads the charge; she also does the majority of the fighting.”

Now, that Time article is an interview featuring Eve Ensler verbally felating herself, after only spending a couple of minutes coaching models on how to act like victims, which is both ironic and hilarious at the same time. I mean, what better way to show what it's like to play a victim than hire professionals, right? She then goes on to grandstand about her causes, which no one who is a fan of this movie gives even the slightest sense of a fuck about. 1-in-5 of you have had feminism shoved in their faces at least once, this week (A more accurate depiction than Mary Koss' bullshit "everything qualifies as rape" statistical debacle, but I digress.. ) This would be the strawman that broke the proverbial camel's double humped back. of course your's truly is not only bat-shit crazy, but a masochist, who takes the insanity of the world and absorbs it's potential energy and shoots it back as explosive kinetic sarcasm and ridicule, like a more attractive version of Gambit (heh).

So after doing my homework on these two articles, two conclusions were made:

1 - Huntington-Whiteley is a model who's ideologies match the quality of her acting.

2 - Eve Ensler is Lambchop and her vulva is clearly Shari Lewis.

With that being said, I couldn't give up on Mad Max, a series that I had been hooked on since I had first saw the movies as a kid back in the 80s. George Miller had been working on this film since the 90's, so no matter how much Ensler tried to glom the spotlight and push her own agenda, the plot was dead set and not changing from what Miller originally wanted. Miller had gone so far as considering releasing the film as a animated 3D feature with a mature rating not unlike the Animatrix or Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury just to find a way to bring his fourth iteration of the series into the hands of series fans, so clearly he was very intent on telling the story he set out to tell despite dumb ideological interfering or Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy's drama. This lead me to believe that no matter what the media said, this was going to be one hell of a film, and I just can't miss out on it.

But enough of me waxing logical (what can i say? Logic is my shield, Sarcasm is my sword!), let's get on with the review, shall we?

Oh yes, there will be spoilers, So if you haven't watched the movie. do so, I'll wait right here until you get back...

The Review!!

prepare your anus!

The future.. she is-a fucked!

Basically, there was an energy crisis due to lack of gasoline and other vital resources that resulted in a global war. The survivors of that war, now live in a post apocalyptic wasteland, and fight daily to find food, water, and not be fucked with by assholes.

Max Rockatansky is one of those people who wander the wastelands of Austrailia, a country that by all means should of avoided any forms of nuclear conflict, because it's Austrailia. Seriously, in WWIII they should be off to the side going "WTF, Mate!", but whatever, man. this is a fictional account of things that will probably happen due to society trailing on a downward spiral.

So Max is just standing there having Nam flashbacks, while a two-headed Lizard makes it's way from the foreground into his mouth by way of foot (yummy!)..  After downing his irradiated lizard, he bolts into his car and takes off as two cars follow in hot pursuit. In clear Mad Max fashion, he's run off the road, and then taken off to be a part of the plot of the movie. He wakes up and tries to escape, dodging pale teenaged children like an absentee father on a paternity test episode of Maury, but is caught just as he jumps his way to certain death freedom. The Newly captured Max awaits his future as being an unwilling Red Cross blood donor.

It doesn't matter who we are! what matters is our plan!!

Meanwhile, The king of this strange society of albino lads is Immortan Joe, a friggin mountain of a man decked out in plastic muscle defining armor that would make Ricardo Montalban jealous. Joe grandstands a speech about how he will send his best scout, (a bald one-armed Charlize Theron as) Imperator Furiosa into the desert to collect gasoline for his army of pasty war-boys. His state of the union ends with him dumping water onto the population, who feverishly try to lap some up for themselves, while being verbally chided by Joe for doing so. eh, Typical asshole behavior.

Joe heads into his "milking room" as women with some of the largest racks I've ever seen in films that aren't porn are being relieved of their sweet sweet moo juice. Joe's son Rictus Erectus.. (are we sure this isn't a porno? ) takes a swig of bottled titty-on-tap, showing his approval. The only problem is, we don't know if he likes it because it tastes great or that it's less filling.. Okay, that was terrible.

Furiosa, after driving for a few miles decides to go off the determined route, which confuses everyone including Joe who is alerted by a dwarf in a hammock... don't ask, I have no fucking clue, either.  Is he like sleeping the entire  movie? he looks sleepy - like you want to tuck him in if he wasn't naked and looked like he could start a little people version of ZZ Top...eww. Joe finds out that his five plot devices brides had flown the coup, and obviously had discovered their civil rights in the process, by leaving messages stating that they are "people, not things" as well as how they did not want to raise future warlords.

Side Note: Let's call it like we see it, kids; This scene has very little to do with feminism as much as it has to do with basic human rights. In a post apocalyptic scenario, there is no feminism, there's no civil rights. There is only the strong and the weak. Survival of the fittest and all that. This also makes you Think back to the American South, two-hundred years ago and wonder if slaves practically did the same thing before they decided not to be someone else's chattle ? Southern Slaves didn't have feminism to use as a means to empower themselves, they had religion which was mainly used as a means to endure, and the spirituals they sung sometimes were used as double entendres informing of ways to elude trackers, and escape to freedom. 

Hmm.. a group of people using their wits and the experiences of others in order to make attempts at their own freedom.. how innovative. So, if you were in a situation where you're just breeding stock for a warlord, and you get the wild inclination that you want to maybe do other things, like not breed the next batch of Joseph Konys, you'd likely want to get the hell out of dodge, while giving the lord of the dick, a proper "fuck you!" message. end rant.

Joe proceeds to flip the fuck out and gets his entire army of War Boys together to chase after Furiosa. Leading the charge in his suped up Dodge warwagon (It's a good warwagon, it's a dodge!), He is joined by lynch mobs from the nearby Gas town and bullet farm in the caravan begins what is one of the longest chase scenes ever depicted in modern cinema. And before I get too deep in the weeds, let me point out the most badass motherfucker in the entire caravan.. this fucking guy!

Holy tits!! This guy is just jamming the fuck out with a guitar while a gang of homicidal youth are speeding towards fiery death and certain destruction! I mean god damn!! this guy!! If I saw him jamming out in the desert with a flamethrower guitar, I would offer him two titty-milk slammers and a shit ton of rum and vodka. We now return you to our chase scene, already in progress..

Nux, a sick War boy who doubles as Max's unwilling "blood brother", grabs the nearest steering wheel and our hero and takes off in search of a firey death on the roads of Valhalla. Furiosa , now outed by her own escorts, fights them off as well as the others, as she drives head-long into a sandstorm..

                             

I'm sorry. I had to do it.. It was too good to pass up.

The other vehicles that follow Furiosa into the storm get thoroughly rekt *airhorns* as she steers through with little issues. Nux, who apparently has balls of steel, plows headlong in after her, with Max hanging on the back of the car for dear life. After a spectacular light show, Nux kicks out the gas lines and attempts to blow himself up with a road flare. Max intervenes and The car tumbles off into oblivion, throwing both Nux and Max into the sand dunes.

Some time later Max wakes up from his dirt nap, and tries to free himself, but has to lug an unconscious nux with him. Finding a sawed off shotgun, he sneaks up on Furiosa, who happens to be busy hosing down the brides, and gets the drop on them. And here we come to the first instance of this definitely not being a feminist propaganda, because as good as Furiosa can fight, Max with a muzzle (which proves to be an excellent face protector) and tethered to a teenaged ass-hat not only beats the shit out of her but takes the gun from her and fires three slugs next to her head to let her know he's not fucking around, then proceeds to shoot three rounds at the pregnant chick, and graze her just to let her know the same. Jezus-titty fucking-christ that's raw!

To be honest, I'd rather bang the redhead and maybe Lenny Kravitz' daughter... holy nips, btw. Cold?

Now you noticed that I haven't really discussed the five plot devices brides, yet, and there is a good reason why; While they seem to have speaking roles during certain points ( Angharad says some things as does the more attractive redhead, capable ) But beyond the two who actually interact with main characters, there kind of just damsels in distress half the time and background decoration during other periods in the movie (Anita would be pissed). That's not very feminist, guys..

  Max severs ties from Nux, literally, and jacks the truck and leaves Furiosa and the brides in the middle of the desert. And of course this broad has the rig rigged (ha!) with kill switches. After a bit of convincing, Furiosa and the Brides hop in, while Max basically confiscates every hidden weapon in the cab, save for the gearshift which doubles as Chekov's gun a knife. We find out, here that they're heading to the "Green Place"; a oasis that Furiosa and her mum were taken from when she was only a wee lass. Turns out that Furiosa needs Max to help her get through a deal-went-wrong in the Canyon with a biker gang. Nux, who runs back to Joe's caravan o' rage winds up catching back up with the rig. He tries shooting Furiosa, but fails, thanks to pregnant-ass Angharad acting as a human shield. Of course, after giving a thumbs up in response, she falls off Furiosa's rig and gets ran over by Joe's Dodge. SHOCK!!



And here is another issue I have with the claims of this movie's intentions. Here we have Joe being painted as a rapist, and all-around monster. He's the villain, right? But, we see him carrying Angharad and grieving for his slain wife and child. That's an emotional response that would be uncharacteristic of any other cold-blooded villain. Granted Joe has done some really fucked up shit, but he's still not completely devoid of feeling. If this were truly "Feminist propaganda" he'd of probably raped and beaten the corpse of his bride right there in the desert while cursing the name of Furiosa and the other brides.  Even later on when the "Doctor" checks on the status of their unborn child ("I had a baby brother, and he was perfect in every way!"), he and Rictus have a small moment of pride and grief. Despite being assholes, they're still human.

It's a moment that reminds me of the original Last house on the left, where after Krug and his gang rape the girls, they have this moment of realization of what they did, and look at the blood on their  hands and presumably have this feeling of disgust for themselves. It's subtle cues like this that make them even more human than the "heroes" of the film, and allow the viewer an attempt to relate to the situation. In that moment I can sympathize with Joe, but I still know that he deserves what's coming to him. If this were indeed "Feminist propaganda", would I have that same glimpse into his moment of vulnerability? or would he be painted as a monster through-and-through?

Capable finds Nux, cowering in the crow's nest of the rig. He realizes that with the death of Joe's favorite bride, he fucked up huge, and will never get back in Joe's good graces. Capable consoles Nux and the group continue on their journey.

Later that evening, the Rig gets stuck in wet sandy marshland, while being pursued by the Bullet farmer and his crew. With limited ammo, Max tries to use Furiosa's sniper rifle to quickscope the Farmer, only to fail. Furiosa calls him on his N00b moment and hits the bullet farmer's searchlight, blinding him. Max, not to be outdone, walks down the assault vehicle and comes back covered in blood and carrying a bag of guns and ammo procured from the dead search party. Once again proving that you don't fuck with Max!

With the rig free, the group travel deeper into the marshlands, eventually finding Furiosa's tribe. As it turns out, the Marshland was actually what's left of the "Green Place". While predictable, it is kind of a sad plot development, but the show must go on. Max decides that he's done, and goes off alone, while the others decide to motocross across the salt flats looking for someone to lay low. Of course thanks to Max's PTSD and visions of children, he decides to go help them one last time. Max tells Furiosa that the only way for them to have a happy ending is to basically take over the citadel, which as we've seen has water and can sustain plant life (Gee, Furiosa... why couldn't you think of that? Oh it's probably because you're Charlize Theron).

Yeah, Derek Zoolander wants his "Blue Steel" back.. 

Joe discovers that they're heading back to the citadel, and proceeds to follow, Not realizing that they're entering a trap. Everything comes to an explosive head in the canyon. I know, I've probably spoiled a metric shit tonne of things in this movie, but You just have to see the action scenes for yourself, because god damn, the visuals in this movie are amazing!!

Joe meets his face-shredding end at the hands of Furiosa, which sounds about right considering this is her story after all (Max is just the means for her to accomplish her goal, as most writers would tell you), but is now dying due to being stabbed by her own gear-shift knife (Irony). Nux makes the ultimate sacrifice by running him and Rictus off the road and blowing themselves straight to hell! Max after surviving a crossbow bolt aimed at his head, uses his new
found status as a universal donor to give out one last transfusion, and survives her injuries to be met with cheers from the people who rejoice at the corpse of Immortan Joe.

And what of Max? He doesn't do celebrations. He just wants enough supplies to get the hell out of dodge and enjoy a life of not being fucked with... Why? because he's Mad Motherfucking Max!!, that's why...

THE MOTHERFUCKING END!

People are probably wondering where this fits on the scale of Mad Max films, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that while it's not necessarily as good as say The Road Warrior, Fury Road definitely blows Beyond Thunderdome out of the stratosphere. Fury road keeps you engaged even during it's slowest parts, and despite the amount of estrogen in the film, still manages to spurt testosterone at you from it's open wounds.

So this brings me to a final thought; Was the "Feminist" label just a smokescreen to make it through the SJW blockade? I'm incredibly curious as to if this was the case. I mean granted, this was Furiosa's story, and Max is basically filling out the "Wandering hero intervening" role, but Max helping them accomplish their goals was about as Feminist as me helping an old lady across the street.

Max helps everyone. He helped the villagers (whom some happened to be women) defend their refinery from "The Humungus" and a younger version of Bennet from Commando . He helped Savanna Nix and a group of children escape Aunty Entity's goons and make it to the remains of Sydney AKA "Tomorrow-morrow land". So how is it that Fury Road, which should have the same amount of ire as any other movie that features tropes like this slips past the Feminist radar with little to no backlash? Short answer: Radical Feminists, Tumblr Feminists, White knights and so-called progessives have no fucking clue what they're talking about.

You're gettin' ole, John

Then again, I also have to respectfully disagree with Return of Kings as well on their below statement.

But let us be clear. This is the vehicle by which they are guaranteed to force a lecture on feminism down your throat. This is the Trojan Horse feminists and Hollywood leftists will use to (vainly) insist on the trope women are equal to men in all things, including physique, strength, and logic. And this is the subterfuge they will use to blur the lines between masculinity and femininity, further ruining women for men, and men for women. 

So do yourself and all men across the world a favor. Not only REFUSE to see the movie, but spread the word to as many men as possible. Not all of them have the keen eye we do here at ROK. And most will be taken in by fire tornadoes and explosions. Because if they sheepishly attend and Fury Road is a blockbuster, then you, me, and all the other men (and real women) in the world will never be able to see a real action movie ever again that doesn’t contain some damn political lecture or moray about feminism, SJW-ing, and socialism.

After watching Fury Road, the only thing I came out of the movie learning was what I already knew; people will use other people as a means of getting what they want, and sometimes people can't do anything for themselves unless they have other people to help them. That's common knowledge, and it goes beyond such trivial ideologies.

In the game of Matriarchy, Max is the ball.

I have to throw out that Max was the one being acted upon the entire film, He was chased, captured tortured, forced to help, and dragged into a conflict that he helped draw to a conclusion. He did this when all he wanted was to be left alone to deal with his demons, and despite all of this, he still is able to fight not only for his own survival, but to right the wrongs presented in each scenario he's placed in. Furiosa was a headstrong cripple with a compelling desire to see her home again. She was strong, but Max was stronger and seemingly more resilient, and she knew it. Even though she outsmarted him on a couple occasions, She realized quickly that she had to trust him in order for her to reach her goal of getting her and the brides to safety.

Even Nux felt like he had more of a purpose by the end of the film, despite being extremely reckless and suicidal at the beginning of things. I would like to believe that has to do with the positive effects of seeing Max and Furiosa's strong resolve, as well as the emotional support given to him from Capable, who had more depth to her than the entirety of the brides.

I can easily watch this without all of the politically correct ideological bullshit weighing down the film. Then again I can also watch Commando, Predator, Cobra, and all the great films from the 80's objectively as well, because I grew up with them, and know the difference between an action film and some fluttery arthouse fluff-piece with political leanings. This definitely was not one of those films. This was guns, explosions, fast vehicles, attractive females, and a man sorting his shit out, be it psychological or physical. Mad Max is one of the manliest of flims which sparked other manly things like Fist of the Northstar, which is to-date one of the greatest (M)animes out there!

I feel that Fury Road was a Trojan Horse of sorts, but not exactly in the way people imagined. Like the conclusion of "Road Warrior" Miller brought Ensler on board to decoy people into looking past the issues they would otherwise have with the film while pushing forward his vision that took so long to come to fruition. So these "progressive" types basically went for the fuel tanker filled with sand, while us "plebs" got the R-rated action flick we've been waiting on for some time. If that's true, then that is an absolute master-stroke. Because instead of seeing a bunch of women feign power and agency thanks to poor writing, we got to see a crazed PTSD survivor grunt his way through some lines of dialogue while beasting out all over everyone and anything in his path. His PTSD episodes even save him from getting brained by a fucking arrow. Can we honestly see Melody Hensley using her twitter PTSD to save her from such a fate? Fuck, can you even see half of the so called "Feminists" out there surviving in a post apocalyptic scenario for longer than a day? I think not.

Okay maybe Big Red would be a warlord, somewhere...


-Game On!