Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Diary of a weird thirty-something gamer..



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Cue applause
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Welcome back to Fullscreen Bossfight. I am your host, Spiracy. And today we will be talking about a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Gamers over Thirty.

 With me will be my special guest commentator The baddest man in gaming, and a personal friend of mine.

Please put your hands together for Bishop Don, LeWayne Silk.



**Cue Applause** 

BDLS: Whadup nephew? it's good to be back in the house, witcha. I rememba when we used to play battletoads together. remembah dat?

Bu chu bu chu bu chu chu chu.

Spiracy: did you just do the pause music?

BDLS: Ya damn right I did, playa!!

Spiracy: (Laughs)

Spiracy: So let's get right down to it, shall we? This comes from Game Set Watch. Apparently there was a segment about gamers in their thirties and over on the Today show, and the response....well let's take a look at that.



Spiracy: Soo is it just me, or did that just seem like a completely dismissive comment?

BDLS: What da hell was that?

Spiracy: And who's this Donny Deutsch character? Man's man? are you serious?

BDLS: The only reason why hesa man's man is because he's probably da first mutha****** on earth and God put him in charge of namin da animals.

Spiracy: Bishop, please. Language.

BDLS: Sorry, Spicy, but he prolly wrote the guide to being a man on two stone tablets and got the information from a talkin brush fire. Fake ass Leslie Nielson looking mutha..

Spiracy: Surely you're not serious, Bishop?

BDLS: Yes, Mutha***** I am, and Don't call me shirley!

Spiracy: (raises his eyebrow and looks curiously into the camera) All points on that aside, I don't think he even cared to be bothered with that question at all, and to be honest isn't the average gamer age 30 and up? I mean seriously. Have we seem to forgotten when gaming actually started? Not to mention that There are a lot of gamers out there that are well adjusted human beings with Jobs and normal day-to-day lives.

BDLS: Church!

Spiracy: I just feel like no matter what their age if you enjoy playing video games you should play them. People enjoy playing pool or darts, or sitting in front of the television veging out or reading blogs (cough) And there's no age limits on those activities.

BDLS: Well, Spicy. Heckle and Jeckle both agreed that as long as you playing vidya games with kids that's normal ish.

Spiracy: And it's good to play video games with kids. I've played Mario Kart Wii with my nieces and relatives all the time. However I also have played Halo 2 with friends when they're over. I just was out last night playing Just Dance and Wii Sports with friends while drinking. That was a blast! You can't just lump in one instance of playing video games and say that's okay, because then that implies that gaming is a negative stigma. And seriously who's to say what's socially acceptable or not?

BDLS: Not Kathie Lee "dry martinis at 9 in da mutha******* morning, God, Regis why don't you like me anymore" Gifford, that's fa damn sure.

Spiracy: (Laughs)

BDLS: pssht 

Spiracy: Let's get back to the point, Bishop. We have 30-50 and above year olds who play video games and aren't the "stinky basement dwellers" people make them out to be. Now i'm not saying there aren't those types of gamers out there because if you've gone to any convention you've probably seen a few suspect cases, but seriously that's a small group. This console generation alone proved that there were all sorts of gamers out there older than the standard 15-25 range who liked playing video games.

BDLS: Da real fact is this... Kathy Lee shouldn't be playin video games in her mental state, anyway.. I mean look at this s*** , Spicy.




BDLS: First of all they get da name wrong, second of all what..da....hell. Josie my ass. dats Slowsie and the mushy cats!! Raise dat Guitar, Kathie!! that's the only starpower you got dese days!!

Spiracy: Embarrassing, but not surprising.

BDLS: dey got about as much rhythm as Steve Martin in the Jerk. Look at the girl on the drums. that chick ain't even playin, and she throwing the stick like she somethin. THERE'S ONLY TWO HUDS THERE, baby!! HIT DA START BUTTON OR SOMETHIN!!

Spiracy: Sad (Laughs) Video games don't have age limits, but they should probably be played in moderation... which is something I can't apparently do considering this is technically my second job.

BDSL: church!

Spiracy: I think that's all the time we have. Thank you Bishop for coming onto the show.

BDSL: Thank ya, brotha Spicy.

Spiracy: And goodnight everyone.

**cue applause **

The scene changes into a man in a straight jacket in a padded room mumbling to himself. As two large orderlies come in

Nurse: There you are, Spiracy. you're talking to yourself again? We have just the medicine for you.

Spiracy: That's the show ladies and gentlemen. muhahahahahahahahhah *frothing*

Nurse: He thinks he has a moderately popular blog on the internet. and he also thinks he's two different people. Some pimp named Bishop Le magic wayne or something.... I don't know.


Spiracy: Church (laughs) muhahahhahahahahahah

Nurse B: That poor man.... I guess it makes sense him being a thirty two year old gamer.. how weird.

*she turns to wink at the camera as Spiracy is dragged off*

Spiracy: GAME ONNNNNNN

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dramatization may not have happened

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