Friday, November 19, 2010

The Three Laws of Spiracy

I want a law. You know, like a set of adages that pertain to all things relevant. Something to where people would quote it in the face of internet stupidity like "Spiracy's law states that blah blah blah" ...that would be sweet. So that's basically what this post will be about. What's that, Reader? I can't do such a thing? Well if Murphy says "anything that can go wrong, will" and Godwin has to be pointed out every time someone uses Nazis as a referential point, then I can do whatever I damn well please!!

I'm sorry that was unnecessary of me, reader. But still I just hear me out, as I indulge myself. Now let's put on some creation music...



Spiracy's Law no1

- When a mistake is made it's more common to blame other factors instead of keeping the blame where it belongs - yourself.

How many times have you seen this scenario unfold in this generation alone? How many times have you seen this unfold period? Failure of a game is often thrust upon the consumer base for not purchasing it rather than looking at the game itself for it's own failings.Gee, third parties. how long are you going to basically blame the console or the console's userbase for crappy sales instead of looking at why those games didn't catch fire like they're supposed to? It's the Wii, it's the Wii's userbase, it's the 'casual' gamers, It was the one armed man...

Okay, I may buy that last one.

Who are third parties going to place the blame on for Tony Hawk Shred's incredibly low sales?  It's not even just that game, either. DJ Hero 2 took a hard hit in sales, and Activision has already put the axe to Budcat and put Bizarre Creations on 90 day notice of possible closure. With the flood of developer studios closing it's becoming more and more apparent that the fault lies not in the stars but within ourselves.. or more like within the people making these games.

By the by, I'm wondering what's the mindset behind NBA Jam, because from the looks of this it seems that even if the Wii version of the game had all the bells and whistles, it still would of gotten stiffed for the HD versions.



Perhaps Count Pacula* was right after all?



* He's referred to as "Count Pacula" because of a comment I made a while ago about him being the 'Dracula' of crappy analysis. Once his logic is refuted, he disappears for a while only to return more ornery than before.

 Spiracy's Law no 2 

- Never underestimate the potential for douchebaggery 

No matter how well you do, no matter how many copies of a game, or console units, no matter how big you get, how popular your product is, no matter how successful you ever become in life. it's human nature for people to squat over you and piss all over your parade. That's a personal and professional truth, and as we all know haters gonna hate. Just when you think the commentary can't get any more stupid someone will say something that reaches beyond the boundaries of  rational thought and the hating begins anew.

A writer decides to call a developer lazy for taking a couple years developing a game that actually has more going for it than the majority of releases off console within the current console generation. Yet they're lazy. the graphics are reused and upscaled  from the DS version. Instead of reinventing the game from scratch the developers in that case decided to revisit mechanics that actually worked while innovating in a new way to play. I also personally think that no one should use the word "lazy" unless it's actually relevant to the situation, or at least if you have accomplished something of equal or greater value than what you're using the term for. Sitting on your ass at a computer chair all day arguing on gaming forums about how 'lazy' Nintendo is almost sounds comical by comparison.


Spiracy's Law no. 3

- Money has no age limit, gender or creed, so it would be advantageous that developers use the same reasoning with games.

I don't have a problem with games that feature girls with humongous assets in tight or limited clothing, I just don't think that's what the majority of people who purchase games want all the time. There are more people in your target demographic than just pubescent and post pubescent males. How about we come up with more games for those people. I don't even want to start on the whole video games for kids angle. How did children's games get such a bad reputation? The games we grew up with as kids were awesome!!  Capcom and Disney teamed up for great justice and dominated at kid's games back in the 80s. In fact it's because of kids game that we were blessed with one of the greatest video game songs in the history of gaming



Now developers can't even be trifled with to create anything to top those games from the 80s and 90s? Seriously? there are so many challenges out there that are begging to be met, and no one is taking up the mantle. This is kind of disappointing. What's even worse is the stigma that these types of games have been carrying for the past decade. Basically if you hit markets that went beyond guys age 14-25 you were making "baby games" and you most likely should be avoided like the plague for the competition's 'mature' fare. Really? Really? 

Ultimately, video games as a whole have the potential to cross boundaries and are made so that everyone can play and enjoy them, so how about we all pull our heads out of our asses and try to make games that do that.

That's it for the three laws. I think I'm done with the bout of self indulgence. I'm going to go and rest up for work, tonight. you guys have a great weekend.

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